Lack of expression, desire to be independent, curiosity, and single-mindedness are all contributing attributes that make it easy to argue with a teen.
Lack of expression - Due to the teen's lack of communication skills, their questions are easily perceived as criticism by parents - and we get defensive.
Desire to be independent - Teens want to be independent and have some input and control over their lives. They want to be able to make small decisions on their own, without the parent telling them how and when.
Curiosity - Teens are starting to get interested in life and what goes on around them. In their awkward way, they are attempting to get at the reason for our actions. They form opinions and wonder if our way is the only way.
Single-minded - If your teen feels he is being controlled or pressured, he will either resort to stubbornly ignoring you and what you are saying, or he will argue.
These are all natural characteristics of teens, but as a parent you can help in avoiding unnecessary and damaging arguments.
Simple things such as:
Not allowing your teen to get loud - Your teen needs to learn that not everybody has to think alike and that it is possible to discuss matters peacefully even if you don't share the same opinion.
And
Listen and ask questions - Restate what your teen is saying or asking to make sure you both are still on the same page. Find out where his or her opinion is coming from.
Once your teen feels that you are paying attention to what he or she is saying, whether you are validating it or not, they will no longer feel the need to argue in order to get their point across.
In Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents that Works we can give you constructive tips on good communication, and avoiding arguments with your teen. This book is available in paperback and digital download, each of which costs less than $20.
Stop taking chances, get the help you need! For additional advice visit www.parentingateenager.net
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